We all have felt it at some point; your stomach is churning, your heart racing, even your palms are sweating at just the thought of a standing up in front of a crowd and giving a speech. This is just one of many fears that humans experience. But whether it is being on stage face to face with thousands of people, creepy crawly insects or death, each of these fears comes from an emotion or situation acquired throughout our life.
Real or Imagined?
Janet avoids going to the dentist. She becomes apprehensive, fears the needle and is embarrassed by her nervousness. She feels so nervous that by the time she is at the dentist’s office she has sweaty palms and is close to hyperventilating – all this created before she even gets there. She suffers from phobia, irrational fears and avoidance of certain objects or situations.
Learning to Be Afraid
Phobias are irrational, which means people may be afraid even though the fear doesn’t make sense to them. For example, someone may fear a dog even though the little cuddly dog acts tame and friendly. Phobias frequently begin with a frightening experience. A parent having a bad reaction with water or a dog will not go swimming with the child or will pull her child away from any dog thus, embedding in the child’s mind to fear water or dogs —at least temporarily. Did you know we learn to fear something happening to us or watching bad things happen to others, and by being around people who are themselves fearful? In general, avoidance and worry increases the fear, while reassuring experiences will help a person become less fearful.
Of course, it’s natural to have a little fear. Some level of anxiety helps warn us when there’s danger or motivates us to behave in a certain way – that’s healthy. In other words, if you’re eyeball-to-eyeball with a black widow spider, the desire to run screaming from the room falls under the domain of self-preservation. That’s good. But if you spend 20 minutes every morning inspecting your shoes to make sure an eight-legged monster isn’t lying inside waiting to bite your big toe, fear has probably crossed the line into the irrational. Not so good.
Unlearning Fears
As intense as it can be, the fear itself isn’t the real problem. What is harmful, though, is the behavioral response: when people with phobias change the way they live to avoid the thing they fear.
Phobias are among the easiest to treat of psychological problems. Even if the fear is severe, the treatment can be fairly brief – four to five sessions. In fact, we often can reduce or eliminate a phobia ourselves if we go about it properly.
The two main principles of phobia treatment come from common sense notions. If you fall off a horse:
1. Get back on right away so you don’t develop a fear of horses; or
2. Practice approaching the horse and riding a little at a time to get used to it.
It doesn’t mean you’re crazy or even weird if you have a phobia. You’re not weak. There’s nothing wrong with you. If your fear is affecting your day-to-day life, it’s time to get help.
Relaxation Helps
Learning to relax is an important part of overcoming a phobia. In fact, the best approach is to focus on staying relaxed while gradually introducing the feared object or situation.
